Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
