He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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