did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
