hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
