Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
