I'm really into asian looking animals
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
