first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
