I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
