Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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