I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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