Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
