There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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