Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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