Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
