oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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