My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
