I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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