I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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