Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just high enough for therapy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
