Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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