that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm having to shit out rocks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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