In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
