Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
