I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
