Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
