Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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