Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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