The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
