TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
