Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
