He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
