I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
