you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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