Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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