At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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