Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
