Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
smell my finger.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
