I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
