ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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