I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
