hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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