I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
