The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
