my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
