I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
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