Why is your signature on my underwear?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
