if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
