I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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