Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located