Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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