did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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