Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
