I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
