yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dick very happy bro
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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