Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he thought i was a dude.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
