but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
