Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
