I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
