let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
