Kareoke will never be a sober sport
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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