i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
