I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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