I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
