they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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