dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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