um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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