Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
