i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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