OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
