She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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