I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
