isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
