; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
one two three fourrrrnication!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
