"it" just moved
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
