There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
