Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
