I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
