It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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