You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
