I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
