his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
