Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
