Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
